Trust issues.

I have trust issues. And over the last few months, I've been on a rollercoaster of a lesson on trust in God. It seemed he was leading me to do something that didn't make sense financially, something that I couldn't handle right now. Yet, trust me, I heard him say. Put yourself out there, in a place where it doesn't make sense, and see what I will do. So that's what I did. And for a while, it seemed like things were going great! Between my own hard work--and a bit of God's help, of course--it looked like things would be smooth sailing. Then I encountered some bumps in the road that unseated me a bit. I mean, where did this come from anyway? I was doing everything right, doing my part in seeing things come about, didn't God know that? What did he expect from me? Maybe I heard him wrong. Maybe I should back out now. Trust me, he said again. I'm still here, still taking care of you if you'll just stop and see. But it took some time, what can I say? I'm a doer; sometimes I'm not so good at the whole stopping thing. How thankful I am for his faithfulness, even when I'm unfaithful. For his patience with me, when I make the same mistakes again and again. Because he never left me, he's not playing some cruel trick on me. He's actually blowing me away with his provision and loving kindness! I stand in amazement at what he can do, in spite of me. And now I can't help but wondering: in what other areas in my life is he saying, Trust me? And what other ways is he waiting to blow my socks off, if only I'll give him the chance.

"Some people say, 'God will never ask me to do something I can't do.' I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it is probably not from God. The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do, because he wants to demonstrate his nature, his strength, his provision, and his kindness to his people and to a watching world. This is the only way the world will come to know him." [John Ortberg]

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." [Eph. 3 :20]