Fearlessly AND clearly.

Back in 2002 I found a Bible passage that I kind of adopted as a life verse: Ephesians 6:19-20. It reads...

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel... Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." [emphasis mine]

I love these verses! They definitely spoke to where I was at at the time, in knowing I needed to step out and be more bold in my faith. Definitely still verses I need to apply in my life.

I can't remember the when or where of finding Colossians 4:3-6, but they stood out to me because they were SO similar to my favorite Ephesians verses. And almost 10 years later, I can sense growth in my life because these verses were the ones on my mind, the ones I prayed as I talked with a friend tonight.

^"And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." [emphasis mine]

Still praying for boldness, for sure--but a boldness that is clear and articulate and full of grace, so that I may make the most of every opportunity.

What defines a compelling life?

This is the question I have been pondering the past few weeks as I've been reading Gary Thomas' "The Beautiful Fight." He writes...

"What defines a compelling life? Someone who is available to God and regularly experiences God's fellowship, presence, and empowerment. There are no substitutes, no shortcuts. We are not compelling; on the contrary, we are sinful, often poor imitations of our Lord. But when God lives through us, shines through us, and overcomes our worst inclinations with his merciful transformation--that's compelling."

So I've been chewing on this idea: what does it look like to live a compelling life? I even posed that question to the online SP community, curious of what the wider world would say about it. And either I posted it at the wrong time to get some serious responses, or the rest of the world is as baffled by this question as I am. So on I mused...

Then this weekend, I visited my favorite place in the world. Had lots of opportunities to catch up with great friends up that mountain, and on the first night had a conversation that I can't remember the specifics of (it was around midnight, after all) but the gist of which hasn't left me since: living intentionally.

Here, I realized, was something that had to be key to living a compelling life! Living with purpose in what we say, what we do, how we spend our time, in our relationships with people, with God... How often do we--how often do I--simply get caught up in the routines of life, going through the motions and watching the days go by in only semi-meaningful blurs? Squandering minutes, hours on things that aren't necessarily bad, but aren't challenging me, teaching me, using what I've been given for a greater purpose? And how many people are just like me in this? And how would the world sit up and notice if I lived on purpose?

I think God has been trying to teach me this lesson for a while now, with the pieces of this puzzle slowly filtering in...and this weekend, a key piece was laid that unlocked this realization for me. It'll take some soul (and life) searching to figure out exactly what this looks like for me, where I need to make some initial changes, but I am looking forward to what God has for me through this process with great anticipation. For I can be confident of this: "that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." [Phil. 1:6]

"Certainly, we all need downtime. Recreation is a good thing... But has the "good" thing begun to crowd out the "best" thing--a determined focus to study and "present [ourselves[ to God as one approved" [2 Tim. 2:15]? Are we redeeming the time, aspiring to receive and develop a mind marked by God? Will this amazing invitation--to have the mind of Christ--so captivate us that we will give up lesser pursuits to seize it?" [Thomas, "The Beautiful Fight"]

Standing on the edge of me

I'm a teacher. But a pretty unconventional one. My classroom is any of a dozen different parks, nature centers, and beaches all over OC (and now, sometimes in actual classrooms all over So Cal). My students range in age from K-6th, come from all different walks of life, and number in the hundreds. My coworkers live all over too, from Pacific Palisades to Dana Point, Riverside to Long Beach. Every day I get to see, hear, smell, touch, and taste things and places that most people don't even know exist, or at the very least don't take the time to explore. And I love it.

It wasn't always this way. This was NOT the job I envisioned having in high school or even college. Back then, little homeschooled me was shy, quiet, and quite sheltered. I loved the outdoors, but was slightly afraid of the unknown-since-1st-grade classroom. I had great friends, but was kind of nervous around new ones. I could go on and on to you about my favorite camp in the world, but just don't make me do it in front of people, public speaking terrifies me! I'm not sure what kind of job I wanted in high school; I entered college undeclared. Those days seem a lifetime ago.

Then I got my wish: to work at camp. Sure, it was cleaning toilets, but it was cleaning toilets at my favorite place in the world! Now I was one of the staff I looked up to and admired so much. Still shy me didn't jump on the Hume fasttrack, but after 2 summers of scrubbing ended up as a lead counselor at the very camp that had changed my life in high school. And yes, I was terrified--of not knowing what I was doing, of not knowing what to say during debriefs, of leading high schoolers in general..."and they get real injuries at Wildwood!," I queasily thought. Yet I learned. And I grew. And I taught and debriefed and led for 4 summers. And I even got my class B license and drove a bus. And I chose this as my goal, my major in college.

And I adapted to college well. For never having done it much, I was a fantastic paper writer, and I excelled in my classes. And sure, I could tell you stories of speeches and presentations where I was literally shaking in my boots; public speaking never became a favorite of mine. But I could tell you other stories of speeches that I rocked, even how after one particular presentation on puberty (oh joy) my teacher asked me, "You looked so comfortable up there! Do you love public speaking?" And I kept learning. And I kept growing. And I graduated and worked as an RA at camp for a year--a job I never thought I'd be cut out for when I was in college. Turned out I was.

And I've traveled. And I've taught. And I've led small groups. And I've led from stage. And I've counseled. And I've trained. And I've gone places I never thought I'd go. And I've done things I never thought I'd do. And now I marvel at the roads God has led me on, how he's been leading and guiding and preparing me all along the way for the next thing. It hasn't always been what I thought it'd be--but it's been MORE.

And now I have a stirring inside for something new, something I've still never wanted to do even after all these years, something that still slightly terrifies me. And I wonder at how all the past roads have led me here, how all the past experiences might contribute to this new one. And I sit here excited and afraid and anxious to see what God's got next, and how he's going to work it all out along the way. And I can't wait to find out what that looks like.

"I'm standing on the edge of me, I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before..."
[Switchfoot, "On Fire"]


"A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?"
[Prov. 20:24]

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
[John 10:10]